CAFE MASPERO

He says:
In New York City there’s a famous pizzeria called Ray’s that other lesser pizzerias nearby try to capitalize on by mimicking its name. Famous Ray’s. Original Ray’s. Famous Original Ray’s. Original Famous Ray’s. The list goes on and on. The idea is that someone – probably a tourist – looking for the real thing will stumble into your storefront instead. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book, and dammed if we didn’t fall for it this weekend!

In New Orleans for the first time, Uptown Girl and I were seeking out a place called Pierre Maspero’s, which my coworker suggested for cheap, yummy sandwiches. Lo and behold, we walked past a sandwich shop with a similar name and a long line of tourists winding outside of it. Obviously this had to be the famous sandwich shop. Right?

Wrong. We later discovered that the real Maspero’s was around the corner. (Not that it was any better, but that’s for another review.) Café Maspero is just another overpriced tourist trap shilling inferior sandwiches for $8 a pop.

The mufulleta, a Big Easy favorite, is a dry, flat loaf piled with salami, ham, olive salad, and melted swiss. The meats were mere supermarket cold cuts, salty and bland. The single slice of cheese was barely heated through. And the olive salad was pedestrian. I could have assembled this bore-wich on my own for ¼ the price.

She says:
The vegetarian version of the mufulleta, the same sandwich without any of the meat, was probably worse. The only redeeming thing was washing down the overt saltiness of the olive salad with a sweet $1 strawberry daiquiri.

We say:
Café Maspero’s is a 2-fork eatery, but it loses a fork for stealing another restaurant’s name.




Café Maspero
601 Decatur Street
New Orleans, LA 70130

LITTLE FIVE POINTS PIZZA

He says:
Little 5 Points Pizza at the corner of Euclid & Moreland serves a subpar New York slice that is too heavy on the cheese and oil. I normally wouldn’t write about such an unremarkable pizza, but my recent experience was so rotten that it warrants mention.

I stepped in on a lazy Saturday afternoon to pick up two cheese slices. I was told my order would be ready in a few minutes. Five minutes go by. Ten minutes go by. I asked the guy behind the counter if my food is ready, and he says, “Soon.” Twenty minutes go by. Thirty minutes go by. By this time I’ve read through an entire issue of Creative Loafing. A group of teenagers in the next booth have gotten their food, eaten it, refilled and drank their sodas, and left since I entered the store. I ask again if my food is ready. “Here it is,” the guy says, sliding it from the oven onto a paper plate. He explains they are very busy.

I’m sorry. This is a pizzeria. You only serve one thing – pizza. How difficult is it to heat up two slices? I don’t normally rate restaurants based on their service, but for Little Five Points Pizza, I shall make an exception.



Little Five Points Pizza
22 Seminole Ave NE, Atlanta, GA
(404) 525-2530

SAVANNAH EATERIES

We say:
While visiting Savannah, we had the challenge of trying to find a few decent restaurants. You can see how much success we had at the city’s most well-known eatery, The Lady & Sons. Our remaining Savannah dining experiences were not as noteworthy, but we wanted to say a few words for the benefit of anyone who might be visiting Savannah in the future. At least you’ll know what to avoid.

Café Ambrosia
Café Ambrosia is a charming bistro with a European feel. It’s the perfect place to take a good book, grab one of the big plush chairs that are scattered around the café, and spend an afternoon sipping a glass of wine while avoiding the hoards of tourists roaming up and down River Street.

The grilled panini with pesto and roasted red pepper is straightforward but satisfying. The same can be said for the spring greens salad with goat cheese, candied walnuts, and dried cranberries. The raspberry crumble tart we had for dessert was lighter than expected, and thankfully not as sweet as many fruit tarts tend to be.



Café Ambrosia
202 East Broughton Street, Savannah, GA 31401


The Shrimp Factory
When you dine at a place named “The Shrimp Factory” you tend to lower your expectations. Maybe it’s the River Street location, right in tourist central. Or maybe it’s the cheesy nautical décor. The Shrimp Factory doesn’t really stand out in any way.

The “Crab-wich” has crabmeat in a mornay cheese sauce served on an English muffin with melted cheddar. The two cheeses make the sandwich a soggy mess, more gooey than crabby. The Shrimp Fantail Barbecue was better, though it was simply eight skewered shrimp coated in barbecue sauce and served over rice. Ho-hum dining at a ho-hum restaurant.



The Shrimp Factory
313 East River Street, Savannah, GA 31401
http://www.theshrimpfactory.com/home


Café at City Market
For the worst food and service in downtown Savannah, you must go to the Café at City Market. The ineptitude of this restaurant borders on the absurd. Two couples next to us left early because their server never actually served them. Our waiter, who seemed to be in a restaurant for the first time in his life, forgot our cutlery and our orders, and eventually overcharged us as well. On Sunday night, the café was out of pizza, cheeseburgers, and grilled chicken. After we ordered the salmon and asparagus fettuccine, our waiter told us the kitchen had run out of asparagus, but they could substitute it with “mixed vegetables.” (That’s code for carrots and broccoli). Instead we replaced it with a chicken salad sandwich that could have come pre-wrapped at 7-11. It was supposed to be accompanied by a cup of soup, but either a) the waiter forgot it or b) the kitchen ran out of it. It didn’t matter because it probably sucked anyway. The chicken cordon bleu was wrapped in a rubbery pastry and floated in a “cream sauce” that was actually just reheated half and half. Needless to say, we didn’t stick around for dessert.

This place gives tourist traps a bad name.



Café at City Market
224 West Saint Julian St, Savannah, GA 31401
http://www.savannahcitymarket.com/cafe/index.html


Gryphon Tea Room

Nestled among gorgeous Georgian style buildings and kiddy corner to one of Savannah’s many verdant squares, the Gryphon Tea Room is a beautiful café in a beautiful setting. Natural light beams in through the enormous windows, giving the café an airiness that contrasts with the dark wood trim. An enormous chandelier hangs down from the stained-glass ceiling dome while bright orange chairs provide a hip contrast to the otherwise classical decor. Can you tell that we love the look of this place?

The menu is simple but sufficient. The scones are warm and sweet, served with fresh cream and a dish of sliced fruit. And the ham sandwich comes with thick hunks of warm, buttery brie, a terrific combination. The coffee could be better though; perhaps we should have stuck with the tea.



Gryphon Tea Room
337 Bull Street, Savannah GA, 31402

MARY MAC'S TEA ROOM

He says:
There are few restaurants in Atlanta as famous as Mary Mac's. Ever since it opened in 1945, Mary Mac's Tea Room has maintained the décor, cooking, and traditions of the Old South, and for this reason it has become a destination for both native Atlantans and tourists alike. On any given night you can walk down Ponce De Leon and see middle-aged folk in Hawaiian shirts happily pouring out of a Greyhound bus for some good ole' meat and three.

Boy, are they in for a surprise!

The reason Uptown Girl and I visited this past fall is the same reason everyone goes to Mary Mac's: for real southern cooking. None of this "New South" or "fusion" cuisine with grits sculpted into a skyscraper and topped with portabella mushrooms--we wanted the real deal. Plus, Uptown Girl's parents were in town for the weekend and they were shocked to learn we hadn't tasted fried green tomatoes or collard greens from a proper restaurant yet. So off we went to satisfy our collective curiosity and appetite.

She says:
Wow. After eating at Mary Mac's, fried has taken on a whole new meaning for me. We ordered the "Southern Special" family style dinner (3 entrees, 3 sides, 3 desserts), and out came platter after deep-fried platter--fried chicken, fried okra, fried green tomatoes--all mediocre and pretty much indistinguishable from one another other. The one non-fried thing I remember was the mac 'n cheese, the worst over-cooked pasta and curdled cheese mixture I have ever tasted.

There were a few more dishes which I can't recall right now. Why, you ask? Because after vomiting all of that fried food back up early the following morning, I've tried to erase the entire experience from memory. I won't go so far as to say Mary Mac's poisoned me. I just think that after years of eating a pretty healthy diet, my stomach just couldn't handle all that grease.

He says:
I totally agree with Uptown Girl's assessment. Normally I like greasy food. I'm the guy who buys a bucket of chicken at KFC and leaves nothing but bones. And yet even I couldn't stomach Mary Mac's "food."

Besides the inedible mac 'n cheese, the roast turkey entrée came straight out of the Swanson's TV dinner playbook--thick, goopy, and tasteless. The meatloaf was moist but bland. The fried chicken was the only acceptable dish in my opinion, and even then the exterior was seriously over-crisped, the meat dry and stringy.

As for the desserts, Mary Mac's managed to botch those too. The word "cloying" doesn't do justice to the saccharine-blast that is the Banana Pudding. And the peaches on the Georgia Peach Cobbler may have been Georgian at one point, but they were clearly from a can.

We say:
"New Southern" has erupted across Atlanta for a reason. We'll take a skyscraper of grits or lightly sautéed green tomatoes with a dollop of goat cheese over Mary Mac's deep-fried platters any day of the week. This is one Atlanta institution you definitely have permission to skip.



MARY MAC'S TEA ROOM
224 Ponce de Leon Ave, Atlanta, GA 30308
http://www.marymacs.com/